This is Halloween...

Alright... so Halloween's riding on the tailcoat of International Friendship Day at SIS. Or was it the other way around? Hmmm...

Guess it doesn't really matter...

"Uncle! Mee pok da, hiam zhue zhue, dao geh zhue zhue!"

"Ong, lam on cho toi mot toh mee pok...."
"Mee pok lam gi???"

O.O

Alone in a crowd.

Which is the weaker position? The inability to be alone and therefore sticking to the most dreadful of people for companionship or the inability to try connect with other people and therefore getting used to being alone?

The thought came to me as my friend lamented on that she felt weak as she can't survive alone. She in turn spoke of how independent she felt I was. Hahaa... On the cynical sense, it isn't independence but the sheer convenience that got me to be more of a lone ranger at some point of time. It is a hassle to me to try to strike up conversation, to be or act interested just for the sake of getting friendship or companionship. I rather do without if the frequency/company is wrong. But that in turn becomes a vicious cycle as at times, the more you know someone or something the more common grounds you find. You won't find it by being alone, and at times I feel that I might impose myself on others if I let my thoughts known that I will appreciate some company. Haha, all the humbling thoughts, self depreciating motions...

I guess as with all things, issues have 2 or more sides to it; and things aren't as bad, nor as good as it seems to be. These are floating words of wisdom I hear from time and again. Time and again it will sink in for awhile.

Get over it!

For almost every year around this time some parents will complain to the media that some questions in the Maths or Science paper in the PSLE are too hard for their children, and their precious little genius are distraught and suffered a little bruising in their egos. Some end up teary after the paper and that broke the hearts of their anxious parents.

I find this mentality really ridiculous, it is a typical phenomenon it seems now for the expectation of standards to be lowered to the level of the masses rather than bring the masses to the desired standards. From what I understand, the PSLE is designed to categorize the students into streams educationally so as to try to provide mass education as efficiently as possible. While I do not totally agree to it, I see its merit. PSLE is not there to fail everyone, neither does it bestow A stars to anyone easily. It has a job to do, and that is to stream the students, and with that provide some challenging questions that will separate the creme la de creme from the rest of the population, and to identify the other end of the spectrum that needs more attention and help.

In this case, the priority is usually given to maths and sciences, which is one of my main bone of contention to the system as I myself struggle with maths all my life. Also, children with the gift of language is less recognised. Of course there are some awards in the O levels for the best literature student etc, but emphasis is less and not that evident in PSLE.

Of course some parents usually think or wish that their children are the best, and if reality is going to prove it otherwise, they will try to protest of its unfairness. They will then try to protect their children's self-esteem. But in the process they fail to recognise that they have created a surreal, protective greenhouse where they imprison their children in a false sense of optimism. This will be very costly when the children eventually become adults and have to compete with the rest of the world academically in the universities and eventually in the job market.

Yes, self-esteem and self confidence are important, no doubts about it, but realism is as well. If you are good, you are good. If you are not up to mark, you are not up to mark. You can either choose to whine about it and demand for the mark to come to you, which will not happen even if you whine till the cows come home, or try to overcome it and reach the mark.

Life isn't fair and if the mark is not in reach because of natural inclinations and talents, go find another mark. Academics afterall isn't the only thing to determine if you are successful or not in life. Parents, understand this and get over it! Focus on the other talents and aspects to develop your child rather than be fixated on that 3 killer questions... your children will thank you for that in the future.

Indulge but not wallow...old love

With more time in hands I began to rediscover reading and literature. Came across collections by Thomas Hardy and with that recalled a poem of his that I had chosen to recite for voice production classes back in uni times. I chose that particular poem for it's irony and cynism.

A Meeting With Despair

AS evening shaped I found me on a moor

Which sight could scarce sustain:

The black lean land, of featureless contour,

Was like a tract in pain.

"This scene, like my own life," I said, "is one

Where many glooms abide;

Toned by its fortune to a deadly dun--

Lightless on every side.

I glanced aloft and halted, pleasure-caught

To see the contrast there:

The ray-lit clouds gleamed glory; and I thought,

"There's solace everywhere!"

Then bitter self-reproaches as I stood

I dealt me silently

As one perverse--misrepresenting Good

In graceless mutiny.

Against the horizon's dim-descernèd wheel

A form rose, strange of mould:

That he was hideous, hopeless, I could feel

Rather than could behold.

"'Tis a dead spot, where even the light lies spent

To darkness!" croaked the Thing.

"Not if you look aloft!" said I, intent

On my new reasoning

"Yea--but await awhile!" he cried. "Ho-ho!--

Look now aloft and see!" I looked.

There, too, sat night: Heaven's radiant show

Had gone. Then chuckled he.

A Meeting with Despair has the potential to drag down one's moods and faith on humanity to depths that all the world's Prozac will be unable to uplift. As in all things, there is some truth in it, but after night comes day, and it's not discussed in the poem. But if it is, the flavouring of that second will not be captured. While I enjoy the rheotics and romantism of what a poet offers, rationally I also know that it isn't the end of the world. Heeeh... think I am rediscovering a love that had been smothered by the O levels. :]

Gnawing side of the coin.

Recently I had a personal revelation. With fate, genetics and probably some twisted humour from unknown divine powers, I am born the way I am, unique. Alright, before you snort in disdain proclaiming that everyone, even twins are unique, let me explain...

Ever since I was a toddler, I have been mistaken as a member of my opposite gender. The annoyingly cute misunderstanding did not disappear into memories of a distant past. Till now I still tend to look and act more masculine than what I should have been to be accepted and assimilated well into the society. Some crude aquaintances of my parents once attributed this to the minor car accident my mother had when she was expecting me. “The bump must have jolted the penis off!” Guffaws guffaws guffaws...

Ok, ok, a group of you may still sigh in exsaperation in that many felt such misunderstanding and identity crisis and struggled with it. Let me get this straight, despite all these, I am straight. Yerp. Straight, and that to me is ironically the infuriating part. I am not turned on by someone of my own gender and yet I am not attractive enough for the opposite sex. In fact, I tend to scare them off, being the way I am, or that the market out there is so large that I am a freak and there are other choices out there, they are plainly not interested in me, even if I am or them... I am effectively on no man's land in this aspect as I like the way I am. But inside me I know that with this I also effectively destroyed many chances of me getting on with 'normal, coupled' life.

My friends probably thought that I was mad when I occasionally said that I actually wished that I was gay. It would be easier for me. (Though if it be true, my parents will probably die inside, hating themselves for 'getting' what they had previously wished for 2-3 decades back.) The forbidden fruit is often the most desired; while I enjoy the freedom and flexibility of singlehood and the convenience of being mistaken as a guy and therefore making it safer for me to jog alone at nights, the flip side of loneliness comes bugging time and again. We human beings are such wretched creatures! Haahaaa...

That is the main reason why I kind of like seahorses. Felt that it would be the perfect creature to represent myself. For them, it is the males that get pregnant, there is some freaky but comforting factor (for me) to it, that role reversals are possible and in fact more common in nature than we would give credit to. Many fishes change gender when the situation arises... therefore a freak I may still be among the human race I am still not really a freak of nature. Haa, that is stretching it, but yah, that is where I will stretch... Anyway back to seahorses, therefore if I were ever to get a tattoo, something permanent on me, it would be a motif of a seahorse. While I toyed with the idea, which still remained an idea and not yet inked onto myself, I realised that the shape of the country that I am in now vaguely resembles that of a seahorse... though some will think it looks like a dragon. Then again, seahorses are often thought to look like dragons as well, or at least the oriental kinds... Hmmm, that really is food for thought. Why am I here? Is it just a conincidence or it means something more? Or is this a warning sign that the loneliness detachedment of an expat lifestyle is gaining foothold in claiming my sanity? Nah, kidding. Serious, hah! Maybe not...? Heeheeheeee...

While ideas and notions are floating about my mind, it is just interesting to see the very slight connection in such things and the mundane life I am having now. It probably doesn't make much sense and yet it seems familiar... It is surreal... maybe I had a glass too many. Maybe I am just lonely. Maybe I am just me. Heh. Circling squares...

At least it TGIF... then again maybe it is Friday, therefore this post...

Wanted to try to blog intelligently, but brains are failing me tonight... come to think of it, my brains are failing all the time anyway. Hahahaaa...

Think positive, think positive, think positive...

Strained my left deltoids on Saturday while trying to emulate spiderman; aggravated it tonight during grappling/ joint lock practice... yah yah... spend money buying pain...

Think positive, think positive, think positive...

Little lifters...

It is amazing how my mood lifts from little things. I am actually feeling happier today as I can understand 20-30% of simple Vietnamese said to me, in comparison to 0-10%. I could finally catch a few simpler phrases and respond a little more. Now I don't feel like a complete idiot, more like a child, still bewildered but not completely lost. Hehee...

Of course, chocolates and a little of exercise helps too. Though I might have caused a little confusion at work today. Opps. Hehe, it's part and parcel of life?

Morbid Fascination.

Photo taken off article from Yahoo homepage; " Fisherman lands record 844-pound Shark"

Heart says that this is dumb, mindless and egoistic killing.

Head says it prefers its giant sharks swimming.

Tummy says, don't let the fins go to waste!

When one is stuck in school with free internet access...

Stuck in school alone due to storm that came just after i finished up marking books...

Realised that I haven't been posting visuals on my blog lately...
Heeeh, so now, why not post pictures of the long awaited move to the new school??

Heeeh as usual, I went for the mundane stuff rather than the speeches or the marches or the lion dances or the release of the balloons etc... candid shots of kiddos and teachers alike, waiting and hoping...

Looks like a protest doesn't it? Hahahaaa... WE WANT NEW CAMPUS! WE WANT NEW CAMPUS!!

My kiddos...

My other class of kiddos...

And some of the other kiddos (some babes included. :P) leading these kiddos, some pics taken on the sly... >:P

The highlight of the day... CLASS PARTY!!!

Opps, got caught in the act... -.- :P

The stories pictures tell...

Booster.

Good news brightens everything else. :]


Hahaa... and yes, I am taking PE 4 times a week now... smell the irony within the irony.
-.-

mercury mercury

Internet connection's gone haywire.
The technician didn't know what went wrong.
Another technician's taking a look at it later.
Missed the bus-stop this morning, had to take a detour on motorcab.
Had a hard time communicating with the motorcabbies.
Till I wrote the address down.
Thank goodness for roman alphabets.
Think I will just die if I was in Thailand or Cambodia this morning...
Still, was quoted a slightly higher price.

Mercury retrograde.

Yah yah, blame the apparent, seemingly backward movement of a planet when it is not and in actual fact just an illusion due to the difference in speed of revolution of the planets...
But things seem to go wrong more... is it just a self fulfilling prophecy, real, or stupid humans just getting muddled ourselves.

Lalalalaalaaaa...

Wasted.

I am sucked dry by mossies, the WIFI is not working back home, and it is not working at the fastfood joint too. So here I am blogging and scratching away in an open air cafe with WIFI...

Sad eh? Haha... oh wells...

Some things don't change even when chances are given for a fresh start.

Old bad habits die hard, to be good takes effort, and some times the people who can make a difference are just too humble with their own potential and capabilities.

Brave souls who try to make a difference, but are not in an official positions to do so get criticised.

Frustrating. And oh, the trumpet's owned and blown when it's actually rusting inside! The bad notes' gonna show eventually...

I am in the 'will try to do what is best and support when possible, but am effectively dampened AGAIN and AGAIN to take the fuck care route' mode.

Addiction to change.

Saw a report on Japan's plans to develop some optic systems that will hasten the speed of online information transfers even more, like gigas upon gigas of info in a second, revolutionising and maybe even replacing the internet.

Sounds cool, sounds alluring, sounds full of exciting promises and potential.

Then when we think back, do we really need all these stuffs and high speed connection, and be connected 24/7?

Yes, it brings convenience, it is a feather in the cap. It will also sap up more energy and give people more excuse to lament on the deaths of cultures and social norms and activities like just lazing out in the sun or gaze at a campfire, or sleep under the stars... or just have a proper conversation with another fellow being without typing away.

Probably I don't know what I am missing as I have not yet experienced it. The conventional internet is enough for me for the time being; in fact too much at times. Darn the facebook which I resisted for months but have finally succuumbed to it. Double edged sword. Ooo the bloody addiction! :P

Situation Myanmar.

For some reasons, the months of September for 2006 and 2007 have seen interesting political events in the region. Last year's the coup in Thailand and the massive protest against Taiwan's President; this year all eyes are on the protests and the junta's reaction to the protests over in Myanmar.

Again, it's a catch 22. Ultimately the ball's in the court of the Junta and the people of Myanmar, there is that much a civilised concerned international body can do, and is willing to do.
International pressures and economic sanctions will result to more hardships of the common people, but that is the only peaceful way to show disapproval of the government by the international community.

There is always this inertia and inhibitions to tell a government how to run its own country. History has many case studies of overzealous, self-righteous attempts of powerful countries trying to tell other countries how to run itself, and make a mess out of it. Now the world is facing such a dilemma again, as it is a judgement call, and following it the dirty work to follow through if more involvement is called for.

There are no fixed formula that garuntees a definite solution as well. No other countries that are wise and sane will want such chores in their hands, and that reeks of historical baggage of colonialism, if one wants to stretch it out a bit more. In fact the Myanmar govt calls the call for democracy an attempt of neo colonialism in a report on CNA... Hmmm... and that is very telling of their mentality. The Junta may stubbornly resist changes due to the fear of a lost of face and seemingly weakness and of the fear to be told what to do. Urgh... Sigh... ultimately the people suffer.

Things can be so much simpler you know, only if! >___<