A job done badly no matter what circumstances there may be is still a job badly done. I hate myself for not being good enough as a mentor and project manager. I remembered why I prefered to be a lone ranger with regards to projects in school and uni days, all over again.

Angry. Truely angry, and I haven't been this frustrated for a long time.

Ok bugger, snap out of it and focus!!

Time!! So fast yet so slow!!!

Can't wait for this Friday evening to come!!! Heheheheeheeheheeheheeheeeehee...

But there are like tons to do and settle.
Haiz want time to fly by and yet not want more time or rather energy.

Trudging trudging, but stoning for most of the time.
Urgh!!! Guess it really is time for a break soon...

I am lagging far far behind what I could have been doing. Temper and BP rising too I think. Am in the "I havent had food all day but I am not hungry" mode again. Not a good sign.

Haiz.... sianz...

Must take care of self. Yada yada yada yada...

Friends, colleagues, take care of yourselves too.

Bored........

Heh, I am into it again, online quizzes. ^_^

Kind of consistent results, most of the time, so I have not gone mad yet. Muahaahaaahaaa...

Your Brain is Blue

Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow. You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles. Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.

What Color Is Your Brain?

You Are 32% Cynical

Generally you give people the benefit of the doubt. But there are exceptions. You buy into many of the things that mainstream society believes, but you're not anybody's fool.

How Cynical Are You?

You Are 66% Burned Out

You are very burned out. You need a huge break from your responsibilities, starting as soon as possible. And you need this time to reevaluate what you really want out of your life. Because you're working hard and going no where... and that would burn anyone out!

Are You Burned Out?

Yippee!!!

You Are Somewhat Mature

You definitely act like an adult sometimes, but a big part of you is still a kid at heart. While your immature side is definitely fun, you're going to have to grow up sooner or later.

Are You Immature?

Lala...

Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence

You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks. You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent. An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer. Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstrations help you learn best. You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Eh... i have doubts about this...

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Exploring

You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name. You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs. An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles. You show people how to question their models of the world.

What's Your Thinking Style?

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity a fair amount. You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take. Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need. But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount. You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas. You have very few prejudices that you're aware of. And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world. And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly. Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life. You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful. You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person. With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's Your Element?

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

^_^

You Communicate Like a Man

When you communicate, you like to get to the point. You're not afraid to say what's on your mind - and leave it at that. Talking about your emotions drains you. You rather keep them to yourself. You prefer solving problems to wallowing in your sorrows.

Do You Communicate Like a Man or a Woman?

Erm, this one half accurate half not leh...

Your Brain is 47% Female, 53% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Hahaaa... I wonder how to do that...

It is a cultural thing...

I didn't realise how much I missed pork until I wolfed down the stewed pork my family had cooked for lunch after the school camp. Heh, oh well, I am afterall of Chinese descent, and food is part of culture. Anyway it has been an routine camp, thankfully nothing really interesting happened over our side.


The highlight of the camp was this gorgeous hunk that came over and invited me for breakfast. Envious right? I didn't invite my other colleagues over as I want it all for myself. Don't want them to go into hysterics. Heheeheheeheehee....















Here's the hunk!!!

Cool right??? WoooHoooo!!!

It is really kind of interesting, as my students concentrated on rockwall climbing 101 (yerp, T.H.A.T wall, didn't climb it still but that is now beside the point), there I was motionless in front of the tree about 10 meters away for 10-20 mins. My colleague was wondering what I was doing.

The snake's really beautiful and I was really lucky I think to spot it up a tree trunk and for it to chase a lizard all the way down the trunk and devouring it at my eye level! ^_^

The sad thing is that most of the people in that camp and area then did not share my same joy and enthusiasium, I didn't go around spreading the news too, until later, bragging my amature photos. It is a snake, and a colourful one at that. To most people it means danger. And to the snake it may mean a certain untimely death after breakfast.

So meanwhile I watched, took photos, video clips and wondered in awe and watched it slither back up the tree into the sunlight and safety before I went back to my colleague. The imp in me just can't keep the secret for long...

"I have something to show you, but promise me you will not freak out."

She didn't freak out, she just froze...

Level Camp, deja vu

Level Camp starts tomorrow. Same camp site as the one I went 2 yrs ago, probably same program... deja vu. That is the problem when one gets stuck in a place for some time.

*Hee... hope I will get to do the rock wall though... had a love-hate, missed it 12 yr relationship with T.H.A.T wall...* O.o

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I am a fork, not a spoon and definitely can't be a spock. Me flees...

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What mossies hate...

Bought an electronic mossie repellent cum torch light in anticipation of a coming school camp. It emits some frequency that is supposed to chase mosquitoes away. It seemed to work as I switched it on and placed it near an unwitting bug that flew in. That bugger went bonkers and flew off. The thing is the frequency gave me a headache and irritated me as well when it was switched on. T-T

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Term 2 creeps in!! O_O

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Went to download the 17 Htz ringtone that teenagers can hear but most adults cannot. They call it the mossie frequency... Heh I can still hear it. Happy...


Update!! Created a buzz in the stuffroom... Heeeh apparently many of my younger colleagues could hear it too. And that frustrates many of the older ones, especially those above the age of 30. But the itchy fingers of mine caused much trouble to my own ears as others download and play the sound, and even found variations of it online... The older colleagues were scratching their heads when I suddenly cringe and shout, turn it off! Turn it off! -_-

Till death do you retire.

An excerpt from the news:

Turning to retirement issues, Mr Lim said he is personally ambivalent about having a retirement age. He said the government would encourage Singaporeans to work for as long as they could, and for as long as they want to, not just for their own financial security, but as part of active ageing. Mr Lim said: "We talk about re-employment. We'd encourage, make it easier for people to work longer and when we've successfully gone through this transition, then the term 'retirement' will be history. "I don't think that we should think of retiring although if you speak to a younger audience today, those in their 30s, they say, 'Oh, I don't want to work so long. By the age of 50, I want to retire and enjoy life.' I think many of us felt that way before, until you get there and you say, 'What am I going to do!'. "So I think we're all wiser. We shouldn't retire. We should all actively engage in something – whether it's for income or just to pass time!"

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/264597/1/.html

My take: Singaporeans really no life siah? But it is true lor, if I were to be jobless I won't last for more than a week being bored. But isn't it sad? We are so dependent on working that we do not know how else to use our time... then in work we complain of what we are made to do. Right now I think I want to do (these below) 30 years later...

Smell the forest.
Listen to the forest.
Watch the clouds.
Smell the rain.
Feel the wind.
Ride the waves.
Make music.
Make love.
Sing.
Dance.
Aikido.
Muay thai.
Taiji, again. ^_^
Travel.
Hike.
Trek.
Swim.
Jog.
Climb.
Volunteer.
Play.
Talk to strangers.
Write a book.
Keep a blog.
Learn.
Belly Dance.
Dive.
Wakeboard.
Kayak.
Windsurf.
Yoga.
Guide.
Sponsor a child.
Work... right...

bits and pieces of a regatta

At the finishing boat, officials were busy recording; pesky sailor who finished sailed along.

Sailor: "Uncle T, what is my ranking? What is my ranking?"

Uncle T: "Go away."

Sailor: "Uncle T, what is my ranking? What is my ranking?"

Uncle T: "Go away now or I will kick your ass."

(Sailor sails away.)

Dots...

Sailor in sailboat, Uncle T on power boat, how to kick?? Haha ok, was being mean. Kids get scared easily too. But good thing the pesk was frightened off. Hahaa...

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My school sailors were really excited, the school was 3rd, then 4th in placing. A girls' school won us, the sailors were suanned that girls won them, that got them fired up to do better. Then the weather decided that all should have a break. No wind!! Languished on day 3 of race... Bored to tears...


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One sailor stepped on a board pin, went through his booties and he didn't dare pluck it out. I thought he stepped on a nail and expected much blood and gore, a person with medical background came with me and offer help too. Disappointed, ok politically incorrect, we were relieved. Hehe... with one swift movement the pin is out and off the sailor went to race.

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Anchors lost. Strong currents. Sunken sailboats. Damaged bows.

The boat couldn't start up, convenient help were back on land. GODDAMMIT!!!

Haahaahaahaaa, all in a day's regatta... wonder what else would happen on Saturday and Sunday. Heeeh.

Caps

Remember my cap that got eaten up by the sea last month? My colleague asked for the size of my head today that made me scratch my head, then this cap, a really stylo looking one sat on my table when I return back to school in the evening. (Huh? Heh yah... those who know will know why.)

感动！

The only thing is that I have already went to buy another cap myself during the weekend. Muahaaahaaahaaa... it was almost the same scenario last June with the baja bags. But am really touched by the gesture. Now I got to find another head for the caps. ^_^


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Ms Cheng must learn how to emphatise with the students. Ms Cheng must learn to curb temper and impatiences! Argh!!!!

Tired.

They say the world is a reflection of who you are...

Why is there the need to keep changing and coming up with something different or new? More often than not it is just the reinvention of the wheel. Creative sparks don't occur that too often, why force it?

So that it looks good on paper. So simple.

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I was surprised that I didn't break down and cry. Was probably too mentally fatigued and cynical. Was appreciative of the suggestions given and understanding shown, but I am also fully aware of the constraints of things, and with it, it will be yet another half-hearted attempt with results that will be neither here nor there. So, despite all opinions and all, when I want to bum, I will bum...

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Aikido, sensei is still saying that I think too much... I am still as confused on the mats, still as stiff, still as uncertain... Actions on the mats reflects that of real life... so just keep practising and practising and practising? If only it is that simple, or it is actually that simple? -.-

Some idiot stole my jogging shoes, among other shoes we stupidly left outside the door. May his/her feet rot.

The frustrating thing was that I just wore it on Friday and finally went jogging after months of rest. -.-

Ah...........

Had my first taste of helping out as a coach assistant for basic optimist course. At the end of it all I collapsed on the front counter infront of the auntie responsible for giving me that experience. J stood there laughing at me, "now you know how hard it is to coach ah..." I used him as a punching bag. Hey I asked for permission first ok? :P

Eh... actually it could be more enjoyable than teaching, with the smaller group and outdoor setting; just that circumstances on that day made it more draining than what I had expected.


It was a good thing that the coach for the course was a friend of mine, and we were like "yozzz ! huh so it will be you ah? alamak (Suan suan saun...) " at the beginning. But as we were stand-ins, she was shocked that they didn't know the basics that should have been known by this lesson despite they saying they knew. Her style was kind of letting the sailors go out and suffer and learn, so off we went.

For once I was appreciative of the nosy parents who took the initiative to help their sailors launch the boats. They appologise for lending a hand, I thanked them as I piled onto the coach boat after launching the sailors.

The wind picked up and all hell broke loose in the bay, despite a tack, point practice on land. One boat capsized and the sailor could not control the boat. The kiddos panicked and forgot everything. Literally everything. EvErYtHiNg. And they whined... Coach got to jump boat to guide while I take over the powerboat and drove around to give instructions on what to do. Then it is time to return to shore. A rudder of the previously capsized boat got sheared off. Collisions... More whinings, more panicking...

Then I remembered one of the reasons why I didn't want to be a primary school teacher, overly concerned parents who deemed the esteem of their little geniuses to be made of wafer thin glass.

The parents seemed more traumatised than their kids, though the kids did seem chastened for the things they didn't know. We promised to debrief them properly so they wouldn't be too discouraged. Haiz. The kids got a shelling from my friend of course for not knowing the basics and for freaking out. We were shocked by how little they knew and tomorrow's by right their 'graduation'. Of course before we let the kids off we gave them some prep talk about the realities of the sport and why we were that harsh, they seemed to understand. I don't know, don't really care for now.

No wonder the coaches of the higher levels sometimes complained that the sailors that graduated knew nuts. The young sotongs were the most challenging to teach well, with the mama and papa sotongs watching. Hope I won't be a cause of complaints.

Actually if not for the standing in and gap in expected knowledge to know, I think I kind of like and can do basic coaching... Of course didn't say that, was too tired to say it at the point of time, and I wasn't qualified anyway. Not from a pedigree breed too. Lol.

Happening Saturday yesterday it was...

Over at another stretch of sea, a race was on, and the race officers had a stressful day too with a mark drifting off. We all learn, somehow.

Another pondering exercise.

Indonesia's luck is down in its pits it seems. It's accidents and natural disasters galore. Just hope that things will become better soon.

Talk about animal instincts, mum was telling me how our doggies reacted to the tremours felt yesterday. The bitch went into hiding under the bed while the dog went up onto the sofa and refused to come down. -.- To seek shelter or to go to higher grounds? Hmm the doggies wonder...

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There was a feature in the papers on transgender issues today, talking about how some people felt that they should be of the opposite gender and that they are stuck in a wrong body. What I find most interesting was the part on a general observation by the experts that female to male trans are more well adjusted than male to female trans. More male to female trans tend to try to be more womenly than the real women.

Hmm... that sets me thinking, why is it like that? Perceived romantic notions of what women should be like and act like? Perceived notions that women are mysterious and flawless in the coy ways of their daily lives? Or simply there are fewer female to male trans? Is it due to societa perceptionsl, where it is more acceptable for females to be more masculine than vice versa? Afterall the general public now will not much bat an eyelid when they see women in pants and collared t-shirts. But if a man wears skirt and make-up in public, that is a different story.

Feelings are still so fleeting and hard to define, and also what makes a man, man or vice versa? What makes one really decide to have a sex change? To align inner with outer self? To be true to oneself? Are males and females really that different? Is there really a yard stick to measure such stuff? Erm, really, I don't think so. But in some other's eyes, I am one extremely muddled individual as well. Haahaahaahaa...

I wonder if there are animals that felt that it belonged to the wrong gender, then what would they do? Do plants suffer from such personal crisis too?

Anyway is it really a crisis? Or a societal man-made one? If one day the society for some reasons finally accept the idea of a man to have feminine traits and even wears typically feminine clothes and makeup, and deem it normal, will individuals still feel trapped in a body of a wrong gender? Or it is the physical shape of things and being, and so one will still feel trapped and wants to do a gender realignment procedure? Hehz questions that are so intriguing, so idealistic and answers that can actually be so simple but then again in reality it is not. But ultimately we are all human beings, whether we like it or not.

But then, if life is that smooth, that tranquil, that peaceful. It is also, as so nicely articulated by Sean Connery in an old movie, the name of the rose, so dull... ^_^

Froggie in a well.

Yah, call me the proverbial frog in the well. But I felt my first earth tremor today!!! I was so stoned that I didn't even realised that it was a tremor, was getting pretty annoyed by the buzz and vibration that I thought was caused by some unknown renovations in school. It was until when my friend asked if I felt something via MSN and slightly later in the news website that I realised what it actually was. There was an earthquake in Sumatra and many people in Singapopre felt it. Apparently only one other colleague of mine felt it, the others were too busy and committed in teaching to notice it...

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Sailing training- was super unconfident, super kiasee. Haah, better safe than sorry. Then later ganna suan by the coach again. >_<

Saw the super steady guide there at NSC finally, and for some reasons she was super suan towards someone we know. -.-

Then parent of a sailor works on a ship, was super nice, offered to brief my sailors on an unfamiliar sailing competition grounds for the weekend competition.

This Sat super rush due to a lobang I take up. Haiz, how ah? ^_^

Sailor's mother super nice, send me home. Neighbour mah. Hahaha what's with the language today??

Now, am super tired, super sian. Reflection time as boss is super unsatistfied with super lousy results overall? O.o

New yr celebs' over.

Hmmm... last day of the new year celebrations. Full moon, rainy afternoon.

Time flies, and it is further accentuated as I went a visiting my friends from adventure club. The club is now defunct, and the first time we got together was in 1999. O.o
I was the youngest then, now the youngest's 4months old, and I am like closer to the big number 3. Haahaahaa.

Some things change, others don't.

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A few friends quit their jobs around this time. Tempting.
Another friend passed me a potential lobang, and the lobang called me up, though I think I screwed it, being unprepared and stuttering. So much for the all important first impression. Hahahaa. -.-

Then I checked the webby, realised that the lobang used to teach me PE. Small world. Really really small world.

Is it really part of the mercury retrograde? My past seems to come back more often during this period. Haiz... Right, enough of blabber.

TGIF? Bam! TGIF...

Haah, was so angry with myself that I smashed my hand on my table. Could have gone on to smash up my table and my hand if not for the location. Felt a bruise developing. Cause of anger? Lousy planning, bitten off more than I could chew, felt like a complete idiot who had just wasted some time and effort.

Haiz... so much to learn... to control to plan to do...

It's such a shame, I slept some 10 hours yesterday; I thought I was refreshed, but during the weekly meeting my body language portrayed a totally different story. Why ah? Mentally I was tired, fed-up. Selfish me wants a break. Good thing it is already March...

Hobbies keep us sane. For now, thank goodness for diving, with its warts and all.

And of course, friends. One even sacrificed her household duties for a dinner with me. ^_^

Oi, don't fall ill ok! :P