Small World

The super steady tour guide who took my students on a fieldtrip happens to be an avid and active parent of sailors of some other school that share our training dates and times. But we have no recollection of seeing one another at the sailing center at all. I was curious of the T-shirt she was wearing; a shirt from previous regattas, and asked... O.o

Haaaa... small world, but then again, it is only when the time comes that we get to purposely come together and realise how often we pass by each other without knowing before hand.

Oh boy I have loads to learn on how to handle students and in fact other people better. ^_^

Anyway, it was an interesting fieldtrip along the Singapore River, it continued even though there was rain. I realised that getting drenched in working clothes feels colder than getting drenched in t-shirt and board shorts for some reasons.

Haahaahaa... Well, my body isn't as amused... Hope the students won't fall sick... I was still operating in 'sailing' mode; as long as there is no thunder, it is fine... But those ain't sailors in retrospect... Oh wells! -.-

Whores we are.

I really hate the direction the system is moving to. It is all about selling yourself. Collect evidence on how good you are, announce to the world all the good you have done.

You inspired a student today? Good! Record it down! You came up with a good idea? (Or perceived good idea?) A parent commended you after the child improved from A2 to A1? Record it down! An email correspondence of appreciation, even better, save it! Build up your portfolio! You have done so much, no need to be humble about it, go tell the whole world of the good you have done!!

An idealist you may call me, but I really really hate that idea of self advertising to the core. It feels so fake and superficial. Sometimes it feels that the act of collecting the evidence and telling the whole world becomes more important than the actual good deed itself. I do a thing the right way because it is the right way to do it. If the people around me are not blind they will see and feel it. I don’t need to go around wasting my energy advertising on the good deed done.

Of course when something becomes more tangible, it is easier for people to get recognized for the actual good deed that one has done. Sometimes people are indeed that shallow and blind, easily fooled! But it too can become an excuse for people to want to see and feel instant results instead of spending time to know a person better and not become wiser in judging people.

Do you truly respect a person because s/he has proven her/his principles in action or because of all the certificates and testimonials he had kept of her/his good deeds? Are we approaching an era whereby we do not even have the time and sound judgment to find out for ourselves the true capabilities and caliber of the people around us? Are we becoming so blinkered that we need documents to be validated that we are good?

Whores for certifications and affirmations, we seem to have become, as a workshop for portfolio creation is specially arranged for us, for the betterment of our career path… It’s yet another product of the instant-results-wanted society; an excuse for the true exercise of true, heartfelt intrinsic appreciation to be excused.

Something amiss? Maybe, maybe not.

Heh another friend of mine's getting married. Congratulations!

Yerp, we are all not getting younger; some of my single and unattached friends and colleagues are getting anxious; others are getting anxious on behalf of others who appear not to be bothered. Or try not to be bothered. There are always 2 sides to a coin though one might insist on looking at the less pretty part and be fixated by it.

In some other cultures, times and parts of the world, marriage isn't by choice. It's been decided by parents or the community, or even politics. Marriage doesn't mean definite happiness or a fairytale ending. In fact it could mean a new beginning of hellish life, especially, sadly, for the women depending on which part of the world and era she is in.

So there is actually much to celebrate in singlehood, it is another way out. It means more time, freedom and resources to do what one might want to do. But of course with more time, freedom and resources come the occasional feeling of aloofness and loneliness, and the society in general is still not ready to accept the idea of singlehood as being a normal state of being.


Is he gay? Is there something wrong with her? Old maids are cranky as their needs are not satisfied, muahaahahaaa... &^%$ jokes, puns, you name it, it is all there... But of course we have our share of gloating and laughter as well when we hear of complaints of in laws, housing and education bills, children woes and what nots.

It is really a question of give and take I guess and what one really wants, though evolution favours the pro-family and creation camp for obvious reasons. So while I take the path less trodden, I sincerely congratulate my friends who are in the majority of the population.

笨蛋

不够爽快就算了，干嘛拿我来当挡箭牌？

也许不够爽快的是我吧? 人太随何，太为人想，太直，就给人耍?

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My mood was temporarily spoilt due to a pretty minor incident actually, but trust in this friend was once again betrayed because of her, I don't know, shyness/ coyness???, urgh nvm, forget it.
But lesson learnt.

Still it was overall a great day. My roommate found out that the best way to cure me of my flu would be to put me out in the sea on a sunny, windy day, make me capsize a few times as I curse and swear a bit along the way the flu virus will be purged. Almost like a miracle. So, so what if my sailing still suck, it's just another excuse to sail more. Hahahahaaa...

Muahahahaaahaaaaa. . . Mercury retrograde? Murphy's Law? Coincidence???

For some reasons some interesting things would probably happen when I fall sick on a Tues or a Thurs, and it did, again. -.- Heh but the incidents are getting less and less severe, phew, this one's resolved with just a phone call. Don't need to rush down to east coast for other reasons this time round. >:]

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I guess as we age year by year, the body really becomes less able to recover and it tells. I thought I was on the mend, but it was the condition of the body when I am sleeping most of the time. The symptons acted up with no mercy today even though I had a light day. (And luckily so.) Rushed back home to sleep... The heartbeat was pounding when I woke up; something I hadn't experienced for some time and had almost forgotten about. O.o
Haaas. See how bah, I wanna go sailing tomorrow leh........ -.-

Late but here, the MC...

Decided not to cough my way through the lessons and took MC. Got more than I bargained for. It might still be the festive season, the doctor decided that I should rest more and gave 2 days of MC instead of 1. 'Your body needs to take time to recover you know?? '

Heh, but I really hate the cough syrup, makes my heart race for some odd reasons. Feeling groggy with an increase heart rate equals to a sleep that is necessary but not exactly restful. Ok shall not complain haha.

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Diving accidents during the festive seasons... sad and thought-provoking. For some of my diehard friends it is still business as usual, for me too though we did mention that we will be more careful to one another. But then... the what ifs are always there, but I guess this is life; and death.

I wonder if it was due to the fact that my parents are unaware of it or that they knew I would still go even if they nag, the silence at home is almost surreal. Heeeh though I did try to hide today's headlines. ^_^

Got to be careful; protect oneself, but still go? Something akin to safe sex?? Haahaahaaa... Uttering rubbish here. . . May common sense be with us always...

First, recover from the flu!!! *&^%$ . . .

Narcissism strikes again!

Muahhahaahaaa say whatever you like. . . A friend took a snapshot of me and my sis without us knowing during wakeboarding last week (until she transferred the pics to us) and I like the way my back looks. It's so much better than the front! ^_^

Haahaahaa. . . Hope I still look that way from the back10-20yrs down the road, minus the uneven tan line and mislined strap... Yerp so because of that I am not going to post that pic. Bleah. Right now, got to be disciplined and work off the new year excess.

But darn the flu/cough. . . making me breathless. Think I better sleep soon too...-.-

小病是福？

Heh, how convenient it is to have the bug on the first day of Chinese New Year. 劳碌命； No affinity with MCs. T_T

Good thing's that this is not the commando trained bug, but I still feel a little groggy and clogged up inside. Urgh.

Anyways happy holidays people! :]

傻狗的忧虑。

“狗年将过，他们会不会舍狗迎猪呢？？ T_T”

How's the weather?

Lunch break in school.

Me: "It was so bright and hot yesterday that my sailors' roasted."

Colleague: "The news reported today that the weather's going to be windy and sunny for some time to come."

Me: Pointed to passing showers that chose the right time to start. "Erm yah, then what is that?"

Colleague: Looks up for a moment and paused. ... "I don't know."

Continues eating lunch in silence...

Working Weekend... again. -.-

Change. Senseless change. Coupled with stupid redtape and ego play, the changes turns to be more comical than sensible.

To kill the fire naturally, just stop adding fuel. But sometimes you don't know why the fire is killed when warmth is needed.

Oh wells. . .Tired... but its been a fun sun filled work weekend. Weekend race. Well nothing really dramatic happened out at sea, though one kiddo still managed to get a boat cracked up. -.-

Many of my sailors improved quite a bit, others... they remained the butt of the head shaking comments of the coach. -_- Others MIA. Hah its a full spectrum... Oh and I lost my new dri-fit cap while driving too fast, it sort of sunk or something I just couldn't find it... It's less than 2 weeks old. :[

I shelled some of the nat sailors for being inconsiderate, and gained some young enemies in the process. But well, occupational hazard, not happy, scold.

Hahaa...

Grim Reminder.

On the news today:

SINGAPORE: About 600 more babies were born last year. Preliminary birth figures from the birth registry at Immigration and Checkpoints Authority put the number of babies born in 2006 at 38,232. But a sociologist said the marginal increase in newborns would do little to lift Singapore's total fertility rate from its record low of 1.24 in 2004.

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How many people failed? How many people passed? Have we met the targets?


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We are just numbers, had been, has been, will always be.

Shucks

Felt kind of bad... wasn't that sensitive enough to be there for a friend when she most needed it. Haaahaahaaa... this naturally black face of mine that seems pissed even when it's not; it's a perfect dividing wall. Shucks.

Anyway, its just another day in the office...
Nearly died of heart attack and blood loss marking the common test papers; made a ruckus in the staffroom as usual. Had to counsel an overly sensitive student; lent my eyes to a friend's cyber ranting on how %$@ guys can be; heard of things here and there. Didn't go for aikido, nor exercise again...

Urgh... ... ...

Missed writing compositions...

"It was getting harder to survive with each passing day without thinking about home. That was indeed a scary revelation for a self-proclaimed unemotional and detached person like myself; but home-sickness was one monster that lurked in the dark recesses of my psyche, waiting to rear its ugly head when the time was ripe, and the time was then.

It was a school excursion turned nightmare as the ferry we were on sank. I had been adrift on a life raft with 3 of my students for the 4th day, and my willpower to stay strong and not give up and freak out had long been wavering. How I wish I could whimper and cry like a baby (With enough bodily fluids to do so.) and wake up in bed just to realise that it was just a bad dream. But reality bites. I had to put up a facade of strength, for my pride and also for the sake of the students stuck with me... If I were to freak out, the overall chances of survival would drop by that many notches. It was already difficult to keep calm and spirits up, as time went by, however it was easier as we simply did not have the strength to whine or panic.

This was when we had to fight a different kind of demons other than dehydration and getting sun burnt... With nothing much to do and the lack of fluids and food, the mind became the devil's playground; 1001 thoughts whizzed by, all the world's questions, what ifs and if onlys came a knocking by. I thought of school work, of my emails, of my friends, of that certain crush, of my family... of my family...

"Cher, will I see my parents again? I am so scared..."

"Hang in there kiddo." I replied.

"Cher, you keep saying the same thing, can you think of something else to say?"

"I am God... I have all the answers..."

"Duh... so creative..."

"... Hang in there kiddo..."

Yes, got to hang in there. The sea water looked ever so inviting. Drink me... drink me... they seemed to call out. I was not the only person hearing the calls, I had to literally wrestle one desperate student to stop him from drinking the sea water.

"You must take care of yourself, you keep forgetting to drink water..." Mum's good natured long winded nags echoed in my mind. Oh shut up! Get out of my head!! No, cannot freak out, don't give up.

Will I see them again? Ever? Hang in there... Hang in there... Warts, nags and all, I want to go home...

Yet another day drifted by... the sunset was really beautiful and awe-aspiring; but it was not the sun that made our hearts skipped a beat. It was the tanker that was coming towards us that made the sunset the most beautiful one we had ever seen. Yes, hang in there, just a little bit more. Amid the cheers from the last ounce of energy from the students, I collapsed into a dead-like sleep, with a tiny voice in my head reminding me to drink some water first before I head home. .."

Back to square one, again...

The pay may be not bad.
The job may be stable with good prospects.
But it's eroding my spirit away; I am a living dead.

Why am I back on this issue? Heh... a gallant attempt by my colleague to talk shop online and proding me to be more high profile got me rambling again. This is not what I want. What do I want?

Hmm...