In midst of training while they are all complaining and whining, the teacher blurted out "Sailors, I love you all."

Deep intense concentrated stunned, duhx silence occured as the torture continued.

Lalalalaaalaalaalaaalaaa... ^0^

I love to stun them.

Listen to uncle...

I seem to be surrounded by uncles. One got me pondering today as we were like trying to be cynical and sacarstic to one another in speech. Usually I end up losing...

姜还是老的辣。。。 anyway in a desperate attempt to shield myself from his verbal acid I burted out to him to find a girlfriend and settle down and mellow down... Haahaa...

He said, " I have decided not to make anyone sad when I leave, so I chose not to..." (Then proceed on with other verbal attacks.)

Young ginger admits defeat... It was yet another way of viewing things, though one that is not encouraged by governments or groups for it means certain death to the DNA trail. But personally it is... thought provoking.

NTYou tubed

We love surveys. >:P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOqXlbWf9Io

Be careful for what you wish for.

I don't want to grow up.

Then it finally hit me that in my parents' eyes I have never grown up.

Angry, I need to practise driving, they are worried and insist that I am still not good enough. Dammnit it has been 5 years and of course without the practise how can I improve?? With my dad still insisting sitting beside me and holding to the wheel at times and insisting that the car is too large for me and what nots. Fuck it. I am blur but not that blur ok, while I cannot garuantee 0 accident rate, I don't think I will drive the car up the MRT tracks. They will feel that I am ready only when I can drive without accident rates without practise and having internalised all the roads in Singapore as well!


With some leeway and practise, I drive on water pretty regularly. Granted traffic is less on water but the point is I can do it with some real practise. Really sometimes I want to scream out to my parents, fuck the overconcern!


Sighz... ok, I guess instead of rambling and complaining I should take on the initiative and seriously think of getting a car or something. Maybe with that change in my attitude, theirs might as well.

Money money money

Read Slow Loris' blog entry on being rebuked for not having an interest in money and promotion. Entry was brief, I don't know the exact story of it but I do feel the sense of frustration and irony of the situation.

Success, in the mind of most people is still calculated by the amount of money one earns and the position one holds in a job. Of course more and more people realise that success doesn't automatically translate to happiness and satisfaction. But the fear for the great unknown and the immeasurable is just so great that most will continue to cling on to the tangible materials than to give it up and seek fulfilment. Granted, for most the stakes are high as well, families to feed, loans to pay etc.

Then for the minority who is satisfied with their situation is rebuked for not having the drive to attain more. When is more ever enough? Can't they understand that it is hard to have the best of both worlds, with finite time, something's got to give. Either health, wealth or family.

It is just like the gallant attempts and campaigns launched to try to get Singaporeans to have a more balanced family and work life. At the back of these campaigns is the unwritten rule that efficiency is not to be compromised or it is minimised as much as possible. Then for the laypersons, the herd mentality and perceived or real fears that they will be blacklisted if they are not workaholic just defeats the entire purpose. The rat race wins.

In short, drive to earn more money: good.
Want to take it easy: bad.
You must use your health to gain wealth, then use wealth to restore health.
Duhz... Call me dense, I don't get it. Don't want to get it.

Whose fault is that?

Controversies abound; with this recent one getting the irk from many people, including me.

http://plancksconstant.org/blog1/2006/10/muslim_cleric_unveil.html

"A Muslim cleric's claim that women who do not wear the veil are like 'uncovered meat' who attract sexual predators sparked outrage around Australia yesterday.
Sheik Taj Din al-Hilali, the nation's most senior Muslim cleric, compared immodestly-dressed women who do not wear the Islamic headdress with meat that is left uncovered in the street and is then eaten by cats. "

Addressing 500 worshippers on the topic of adultery, Sheik al-Hilali added: "If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden or in the park, or in the backyard without a cover, and the cats come and eat it..whose fault is it - the cats or the uncovered meat?
"The uncovered meat is the problem."
He went on: "If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab (veil), no problem would have occurred."

>:{ It is so... fucked up, literally. Demeaning and irresponsible, not only for the victims but also the perpectuators. For indirectly it is implied that the perpectuators cannot control themselves and therefore are just like beasts!

Then on the other side of the coin, there is this anecdote, that sits better for me. Heehee...

http://www.baus.org/baus/library/a_glimpse.html

Two monks were traveling on foot. It was late afternoon when they arrived at a river. There was no bridge or ferry, but the river was shallow and they believed they would have no difficulty in wading across it. Suddenly they saw a young lady who was attempting to cross the river too, but was hesitating to step into the water. She was in trouble.

One of the monks went to her and offered to help by carrying her across the river on his back. The other monk was very much surprised by what his brother monk had done. Puzzled and frustrated, he was very unhappy as he followed them to the other shore of the river. The first monk put down the lady, who thanked him and left.

The two monks continued their journey. While walking, the second monk could not forget the incident. He wondered how his brother monk could violate the precepts that they had observed for so many years. What a grave sin he had committed, and even in another's presence!

It was about dark now and they found an abandoned temple. They were tired and went into the temple to lie down. The first monk immediately fell asleep but the second one could not. First he was frustrated, then he felt pity for his brother monk for committing such a grave sin. He tried to pray for him to reduce his sin but he imagined all kinds of things. He tossed fretfully and could not get to sleep.

At about dawn, he heard the snore of sound sleep from his brother monk, and he became very angry. He made a noise which woke the first monk.

"What happened to you, my brother? Why aren't you sleeping?"

The second monk answered angrily: "How could you hold a girl on your back and wade across the river? I would not sleep because I was trying my best to pray so as to minimize your sin, but you simply don't care and have been sleeping soundly."


The first monk replied, "Oh, you are talking about that lady. I dropped her a long time ago as soon as we crossed the river, but why do you, my brother, still carry her on your back?"







My take: For a really upright and or religious person, no matter the religion, s/he will not err even if another really attractive person stands stark naked infront of him/her. But sighz, we are so far from being that holy...?

Self-inflicted pain

Power is nothing without control.
Strong mind weak body; weak mind strong body whichever the combination it won't work. Of course one can argue that the latter is worse than the former.

Learnt it the hard way yesterday trying cable ski, despite all the advice and guidance, landing face down on water all day. It's fun being angry with oneself while learning something new. No feel means no feel... timing either off or the force of the pull was really too much... sianz... haven't gotten the technique yet. ><>:P

Some pics...

Most of the gang...

The Noobs. :] And the pain sets in. O_o

D! I! S! C! Duh...

How do you like a seminar that is compulsory and yet at the end of the day it comes with a survey form that asks you the reason for attending it.

Ok, it is not exactly useless or anything, just thought that the irony and the actual perception or ways things are run are sometimes just so mind boggling... Irrational objectivity.

Got to learn a bit on my own work personality using the DISC profiling... I am an I with some C... though my personality isn't that distinct. One part of the graph shows that either I am toying with the profiling system, or that I am in midst of a personal transition. (i.e thinking of quitting) Heheee... here is what i found online about the DISC.

Dominance: Direct & Decisive. D's are strong-willed, strong-minded people who like accepting challenges, taking action, and getting immediate results.

Influence: Optimistic & Outgoing. I's are "people people" who like participating on teams, sharing ideas, and energizing and entertaining others.

Steadiness: Sympathetic & Cooperative. S's are helpful people who like working behind the scenes, performing in consistent and predictable ways, and being good listeners.

Conscientiousness: Concerned & Correct. C's are sticklers for quality and like planning ahead, employing systematic approaches, and checking and re-checking for accuracy.

Hahaahaahaaa I am not a what I term 'RaRa' (people person) or a systematic planner... in fact i dont think i fit snugly into DISC. So it shows that models are limited...

Anyway not my day... tired, grouchy, harddisk crashed... T_T body's protesting from too much exercise...

Otherside

Hmmm...

"Luke, I am your limbei, come to the oh oh side..."

"Don't want lah, hungry... eat first, all looks the same."

Lameness rules on a Sunday night. >:P

At the back of my mind I wonder if I have been taken for a ride. Or if I have been a fool. But for some reasons here I am still entertaining him, and actually feeling an obligation to take care of him. His enthusiasium just makes it so hard to reject him.



Heh nope，不要想歪喔！

Fuses...

It is amazing how short one's fuse can be when one is behind the wheel. My dad is one of those usual Mr Nice Guy. Just don't do stupid things out on the road when he is driving by, it awakens the volcano within. Works like a charm, no matter how many times my mum would nag and scold and counsel, it will happen...

A minor road squabble disrupted my equilibrium this morning as he was driving me to school, and some of the angst transferred over... I snapped at an over-anxious colleague who was bugging me a tad too often not to be late for a meeting. What made the matter worse was that in the end we still had to wait.

Promo meeting, long waits, shortened fuse... ideally each class should take only 15 mins to discuss about the futures of the students. Of course a little bit more common sense will tell you that it ain't gonna work as more time is needed. So it drags... until 7-8pm...

Ok, there are many things else to do, but no one has the mood and the meetings disrupt one's momentum and flow. You are on a standby mode for the classes you teach. Urgh... Not my day...


Breathe.... breathe.... breathe....

Spelling Teacher's Nightmare

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? 55 plepoe in a hdeurnd can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at CmabrigdeUinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

只能意会， 不能言传

For the first time I almost cried on the mats. Not able to feel it, not able to find the balance and the centre and ki, getting tossed around like a rag doll, the adrenline rush, the pain...

But it was a good experience, with just 4 adults around the training was intense, my neurons were so messed up that I felt like a complete idiot. Heeh I haven't felt so frustrated for a long time. Sensei was trying to make me feel and understand the finer aspects, most of the times I don't get it, even if I do it was fleeting.

Heh, I guess that is why Aikido is so difficult to learn. Change is constant, it is so fluid that it is so hard to grasp the essence. Just keep training, keep feeling... hopefully will improve along the way.

Grey Lady

One knows that the grey lady's grip is tightening when one's bitch at home suffers from an asthma attack...

I'm serious!

Hee... oh well, sailing resumes tomorrow... tons to settle...
That is still ok, though I would love to have the moral support and presence of my colleagues at the centre, but too bad, they will be bogged down by more tree killing exercises.

Lalalaaaaa... can lah...

Postcards

Wish you were there...

Hey it's a working trip ok. Haahaahaaa.... >:P

Urgh...

Urgh..... Whine time, then got to do some stuff...

Decisions are hard to make.

Art of persuasion is not called art of persuasion if it is too easy.

What the hell do I get myself into?

Got to write proposal, got to persuade, not knowing what the hell I really want.

Doing for the sake of doing. Doing for fun?

But what ifs?

"My pay not high enough to make the decisions..."

Lol. Maybe I should learn to say that. Haahaa...

But then... deep inside, me want to try leh...

Stepping out of comfort zone; a bit jittery.

Same issues, shoes too big, dunno how to fill.

O.o

Am still not used to reality where attempts to find solutions are often can-openers to larger tins of worms. And solutions are complex as no man is an island and many parties and factors are involved.

Got to use a cattle prod to prod Marilyn to grow up and be more pro-active and clear-headed...

>_<

Inspiration from desperation

Leaders of the future.
Where hath thy brains gone?
Enlighten me in my quest!
Fruitless searches had I,
Scrolls and scrolls of encrypted nonsense,
Neither an ounce of wit nor intelligence I find.
Oh what cruel device it is,
To test my resolute and wits, is it?
Insanity will find me first,
Defeated by this herculean feat
To decipher and find,
The supposed jewels in actual barren mines.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heee... so fed-up marking, same old, cliche questions pop out.
What have they been learning? What have we been teaching?
Is it us? Is it them?
Urgh!!! Is it that hard to understand? O.o

Heh I never thought I would say that, or typed, or communicated. But I did... Whatever.

"If you go I also don't want to stay..."

Cheesy.

But straightforward.

Yup, that is me.

Muahahaaa...

CReAK!

Got my spine realigned as parents dragged me off to the chinese physician friend for regular 'tweaks' and maintanence. Felt that I have grown taller by 2cm and more refreshed and lighter after the ouch session. I usually pride myself for being able to take quite a bit of pain, but for this session, it is really pain, pain... (The fact that my parents are there staring at me doesn't help...) :D

The doctor commented that my bone's slightly shifted to one side, probably due to bad posture therefore causing the nagging aches on my left side. And this explains the pain pain I experience as he pushes the bones back to their proper position. O.o

It is a pity transport over to the clinic isn't convenient, parents nagged that I go there regularly on my own, but big baby me will stick to the car and tag along with parents for the time being on Saturdays. Heeee... Actually it is good bonding time too, that one only appreciates when one is no longer a teenager. :P

But I tell you, this physician is really good at dealing with back and bone problems. Can pass you the contacts if you want. :]

Haze Season

For some reasons it seems that the haze now is more toxic than the ones experienced in the 90s... or it could be that people around me and myself are getting weaker... O.o More people complain of discomfort, of breathlessness etc...

Don't think I would go on with my plans to exercise more just yet. Sigh, don't even feel like sailing tomorrow despite not being able to for the past 3 weeks. Think diving is the best exercise now. LOL...

Anyway, couldn't find the photograph of the angry desperate Greenpeace activists blowing smoke into the minister, but found the article online. People are getting fed-up with the recurring problem, and people express themselves:

Greenpeace activists smoke out forestry ministry
The Jakarta Post, Jakarta

Greenpeace activists literally smoked out the forestry ministry in Jakarta on Thursday to protest the government's failure to stop forest fires. The blazes have spread choking smog over much of Southeast Asia, threatening the health of millions.
Over the past week, thick smoke from fires in Sumatra and Central Kalimantan has affected Singapore and Malaysia.

Agence France-Presse reported that smoky haze from illegal land clearing in Kalimantan and Sumatra reached the U.S.-administered Northern Mariana Islands, 3,600 kilometers away in the western Pacific.

In Guam, near the Northern Marianas, acting governor Tim Villagomez said the haze was likely to persist for several days but was not expected to cause health problems.
Greenpeace demanded that the government investigate companies that clear land by burning the forest, and hold them liable for the damage.

They also hung a large banner in front of the ministry that read "Stop Forest Conversion", calling on Forestry Minister M.S. Kaban to preserve the remaining Indonesian forests rather than allowing them to be turned into agricultural and pulp projects.

"The government should put in place a permanent mechanism to build capacity to assess vulnerability, develop regional climate models and design adaptation strategies that consider the vulnerability of local communities and indigenous species," it said in a statement.

Is responsibility such a hard concept to follow? Is Indonesia really that poor to protect its own resources? This leads to political questions like how effective then, are regional and international organisations and NGOs in helping in such problems. When to interfere and say that something has to be done? When is it too much an interference? When is it necessary? When is it an infringement of a country's soverignity? Who has the right to make the judgement call? Then again, if no one makes the decision, will the problem just keep recurring and escalating?? It is really simple to push the responsibility away... and hide behind principles that aren't there...

ARGH!!!! Excuses!!! Unnecessary analysis leading to paralysis!


Though I am not a Christian, I thought that this prayer I stumbled upon on a postcard once makes a lot of sense and should be followed by all... individuals, policymakers governments, people of all religion and philosophies etc etc... It goes like this:

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Humankind desperately needs that wisdom, courage and serenity to put our act together.

Wah... really increased in weight...
Though it is still within the healthy BMI index... (The healthy range is between 50 to 63kg by the way, the gap is kind of big. Heeheee)

Am now 58kg... ok lah, i have been in denial for some months. Have been that weight for some months now. Haha...

So... going to try to shed off 4kg in... 2 months? :>

It's just another grumbling piece.

90 年代的1首歌， 歌词写到：

“我真的好累， 你要我做的我都学不会” While the song is about a tiring love relationship, I feel the same way with regards to my work, which is taking up the bulk of my energy and time...


我学不会数字的重要性；why is it that at the end of the day for education in the real pragmatic sense, all that matters are the figures and numbers churned out by results. 别来跟我说这里的教育制度培养的是人格这类废话。培养人格不是重点，而是锦上添花。Yes, yes, character development is important, and ways and means are being tried out now to try to quantify the intangible to make it more visible. But at the end of the day it is still about the number of A1s and awards and medals achieved.

我学不会奖牌的重要性。课外活动已经演变成了学校赢取荣誉的工具。这一点是个眼中钉， 可是没‘效率’的课外活动将面临关闭的恶运。

What kind of messages are we sending to our students whereby schools want instant sportsmen and other experts in the CCAs to bring honour and glory to the school instead of giving the chance and exposure to the students? That winning is everything? Instant is good? The pragmatic system has no room and funds for self exploration?
Are we running too fast for our own good?

In this sense I am fortunate in some way that sailing is so exclusive that we have to go the extra mile to train up our kids from scratch, for we have no choice. It is extra work but it is all that makes it worthwhile when you see ex-sotongs improving with the effort put in. Though the trend is towards the attraction of instant sailors more and more...


我们要学生们参加的比赛与讲座，露营之类的活动，是为了他们好还是为了学校的名誉？还是因为要我们做我们就照做？Some programs and projects are good exposures for the students, but sometimes I ask myself, are we making the students go through it because they are ready for it and it benefits them, or because it looks good in our own resume? Or it is compulsory? There are some trips that I thought was a complete waste of time, but it has to be done...

What is the purpose of all things done? It is still about the great paper chase. Now it has morphed into not only the paper qualification chase, but a myriad of certificates and evidences of participation, from being kind to being a leader to attending a camp or a competition...

I am tired, not physically, and no amount of sleep can slake the lerthargy.

Ironically, education is not available in places where it is most needed, because of the lack of funds; and over here the government is trying to keep and entice people to become teachers with monetary and other rewards to stay in this still really warped up system. This is something that I cannot recouncil with.


Heh, I tend to think in 2 languages, and it may be a little difficult to read it. Sigh, and my standard is neither here nor there... Bleah.

昀之胡言乱语

小时后经常盼望长大，能赚钱而更有自由与自主。
长大赚钱后又想回到那无忧的童年，而忘了要自由是有代价的。

人就是这样犯贱。。。

要学会知足常乐；来之安之， 真难。。。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

才3个星期没出海，我就‘退色’了。
友人还得躲避阳光3年才白了那么一点；世间是不公平的。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

豆豆又来访， 该是寝卧之时了。

Muahaahaaahaahaaaaa

Here fishy fishy fishy fishy...

Heard about mola molas from some friends, didn't know what they are and how they look like so did a little search online and found this...
Wonder why it is also called oceanic sunfish... If I ever see a mola/sunfish and somehow do a self introduction, it might also wonder about my name too... for 昀=阳光

Haha lame... must be one fall too many from blading yesterday... the injury to the bums somehow affected the head. :P

Haze is back.

The haze is back, the grey mysterious aura and smoky aroma triggers memories of the late nineties where Singapore would experience moderate haze on a regular basis. There has been a hiatus due to favourable winds that blow the haze away from our location, and where we can pretend that nothing is happening.

With the haze back I am made to ponder: what has the governments been doing all these years... the situation has not improved at all. Severe burnings still happen, even if the haze doesn't blow over at times, the damage to the environment in general is done! Sadly it seems that the governments' memories and resolution to do something about it disappears as soon as the winds blow the haze away.

Fed-up. And also at this juncture, who says that knowledge is power? People tend to turn a blind eye and wish it away as the problems fester. The experts are usually ignored by those who can implement the changes for the better until it is too late. It is so convenient to sit back and then push the blame to others, and there is the sense of helplessness for people who are affected. Urgh.