What can ruin a Sunday nap?

Sleep paralysis.
Urgh. I hate it.
-__-

Of blogs, narcissism and fish.

Read the news about the trend of mass blogging.
Millions of bloggers out there. Hehee...
I am just one.

Vying for attention and fame?
Hmm... not sure about fame, but attention, of course, it is so convenient to let friends and people who bother to read your blog know about what you feel and think without telling them.
And yes, it is mostly about me me me and more me. It does get boring after awhile. :]


Oh dear, will we eventually lose our voice boxes and other muscles, and be in one with computers? Argh!! The real Matrix! Eeeeeeee....

On the other note, mergings reminded me of the weird world we are in... apparently the scientists have discovered that the deep sea angler fish really merge with their mates. The male fish would actually merge with the female fish and become lumps on their body and become parasitic sex-toys? O.o

For more info:

http://ramseydoran.com/anglerfish/deep_sea.htm

Odd world. So there is another new vocab for unsavy suitors, you male deep sea anglerfish!

Stagnant Waters

When a pool of water becomes stagnant, whose fault is that?

The raindrops that fell at the wrong place or the depression on the ground?

They aren't that stuck up afterall...?

Yippeee. Weekend is here again! Time to forget about work (or try to forget about work) and recharge. :]

Had staff meeting today and a report on the school climate report, then I began to have rethink about my career options. The management seem to be streamlining and attempting to make things better and more efficient for the teachers. Given time, and if the management is true to its words, this school will be a pleasant place to work in and grow. Well, this will be good, and then I might eat back my words again and stay. Heeeh.

Fickle. But hey, this is life right? Well, now, just have to do, wait and see. But knowing that the management is trying is nice already. Indeed, there have been loads of changes in the leadership etc, things are improving gradually. Well, 10 more months to see look. :D

Sweet Dreams...

A few days ago my sis dreamt that I died. Dad said that it is good for me but bad for her... O.o

Then my friend just smsed me that she dreamt of me in a wedding dress... and she thought it was a good omen...

HAAAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAAAA HAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAA

7th month

Heh. First day of the 7th Lunar month. Hungry Ghost Month!! Better be safe than sorry. :]
But I almost flipped last night when my dad actually suggested that I burn some paper money and joss at East Coast just in case! Nope, I didn't, though I was more careful in the preparations of equipment. Heeh anyways...



As I walk home past the void decks where people are praying and burning offerings, I can understand the rationale to burn offerings, but I cannot understand why so much litter is left; I believe the 好兄弟 prefer a nice clean environment too. :]


So odd, from the news there are actually people stealing incense urns! Hmmm.... for what?


In retrospect, I have done odd things on several 1st day of lunar 7th month. I won 2nd prize in a singing competition on this day when I was 8. O.O Then I was at Sungei Buloh catching mangrove snakes on this night in 4/5 years ago. Hahaaahaa. So fun...

Just another day of work

Sailing sessions for kiddos resumed today.
It's a gorgeous afternoon.
Good winds, great waves, but super hot sun.
The sec 2 opti sailors literally flew as they sailed the byte for the first time. Heh...

Too light. I wonder if it is wise to get them to take part in regatta in 2 weeks' time on bytes. See how it goes...

I love the sea, for some reasons I forget what I should forget when out at sea.
Today I was on my own again... Haaah it has been quite awhile since I had to take the kiddos out on my own. It was ok actually... though I would like to slack whenever I could.

Okok... no backbone... hahaha... anyway for now, I am happy.

Feely Monday

Touched: When you find a rotting breakfast packet on your table placed by a colleague for Friday on the next Monday morning. Shows of concern abounds, its just that at times, timing is off.

Glad: When a great chatty colleague is back from her maternity break.

Concerned: When a colleague reveals problems at home.

Warm: When sailing PT resumes and the sun is heating up my sit and butt.

Worried: When it is 1230pm in the afternoon and I still do not feel hungry without food since morning.

Bimbotic: When I return home and discovered that Cartoon Network and MTV's back in my cables.

Pissed: When I receive yet another email reminding me that environmental projects have to be done for the sake of being seen.

Happy: When I think of me going back to the sea tomorrow!

Well... it has been an interesting start of a week... tons needed to be done, tons left undone. Neverending story of working life. Lalalalalaaa...

Gaia's cancer

Sigh, back to angsty posts; thanks to millions of brain cells killed from documentaries, news and emails. Hehee.

More interesting weather...
Heat waves
Floods
Typhoons and tornadoes

Natural disasters that catches people off guard...
Earthquakes
Volcanic eruptions
Tsunami
Landslides

Lives are lost, property destroyed.
But people don't seem to learn from it.
Maybe it is too sporadic?
We are too short-sighted?
And, where did all the relief aid and money go??

Sick and tired of the articles of scientists warning that global warming is real and that immediately action has to be done and yet nothing but scheduled meetings and talks among the countries are done.

Also, as individuals, I still live a wasteful life. Who am I to criticise when I am part of the problem myself? Inertia and the taking away of conveniences just prevents us from living the simpler, environmentally friendlier life.

Shall we repent when it is all too late?
Maybe the end of the world is a self-fulfilling prophecy, we are in the grand plan of working towards it. Urgh! Foolish beings...

I miss video tapes.

Sigh... technology's supposed to make life easier right?
Then why is it that I cannot video-tape good documentaries that I see on TV now as teaching resource?

Haahaaahaahaa occupational hazard number don't know what already.

Hmm... maybe youtube might have it...

Just watched A state of mind... amd it makes one ponder on how meallable the human psyhe and mind can really be. What one believes in is so... fragile, so easily manipulated.

In many cases, you are what you are taught. In that note I too wonder about how I think about things and all, is it also manipulated?

Lazy Sunday

Heehee... think i posted too many angsty posts these few days, so for a change I kidnapped my doggie for this photo shoot on a lazy sunday afternoon. :]



So cute right, the doggie... and ewww... my pimples show big time. O-o Oh well.

夜有所梦

Dreams... alternate reality, a window to the subconscious.

Woe behold the teacher who tries to get some rest and yet sees her students in her nightmares.

Haa... the wonders and the ironies of the human mind and psyche.

Heed the signs

Down with MC again.
Think the body is trying to tell me something. Kind of embarrassing when I had to run to the toilet to puke straight after dinner yesterday and get Panadol from a friend whom I have not met for likemore than half a year...

Many of my colleagues soldier on despite being more under the weather than I am...

It has been a mad week for my other colleagues involved in the school's very own musical, now performing at the National Library Drama Centre. It was fantastic, given the short time from idea to actualisation.

And this week's also racial harmony week... so it is also crazy for the humanities department.

Then next week- maths and science week... Then National Day... Then Common Test... hmmm... When's lesson time??

I don't care!

Has it ever occured to you that if I want to climb fast and high and earn big bucks and be a leader, I would not be in the teaching profession??

I don't care about starting big projects JUST for the sake of rankings!!!

Leave me alone!


Hell. I really should reconsider my options. Pooof...

Perspectives

Was feeling shitty and unsure of some issues and a person just now.
Then I had a chat with an ex-colleague and learnt about some stuff that now I don't feel that bad or uneasy liao. Heeh. Timely phonecalls save the gemini anytime. ^_^

Culture shock?

Heeehee...

Visited my school canteen for the first time in 2 weeks; had a break with the scholars who were here for school experience and James.

You can tell that we are of a different frequency. Just love the look of discomfort and shock on the scholars' faces as James and I rattle off in the most unteacherly and humanities-cum-literature temperament and topics. We were pretty insensitive as well, being absorbed into our own conversation and at times forgetting that they are there. Then they start talking among themselves about the more serious stuff. Their background's more to the science n physics n maths...

OMG...they look similar, dress similar, talk similar and think similar. So interesting... so serious... so different. :P

Fresh air

Amid the frustrations, there's some fresh air too, in retrospect.

Specialist track beckons after a dialogue session with some other education officers.

There is another lobang out at sea. Race officating for keelboat regatta. Oooo...

Excited. Big boats! Muahahahaa... But its at Tuas... Must. Find. Transport. :P

Is it you or is it me?

My poor subject head... sandwiched in between. She was given the non-pleasing task by the HOD to bug and pressure me to do some BIG school wide environmental program for the school. For some reasons next year is too far and the examinations and activities packed term 3 and 4 has to have some environmental program... and the part that pisses me off is that, ultimately, it is not about the environment that triggers my Heads to bug me... It about looking good.



"You are too low profile. You need to do more big events"

"No, you have to make it schoolwide, not only for a small group. It will be more influential"

"How about this award, it will look good for the school, able to get some students to do it?"

"How about some recycling program? Able to involve the whole school?"


Only one highly misused word can describe how I feel. Fuck it.

I don't like to be rushed into projects that I really feel about, and I personally feel that the students are overly taxed in other programs of the school. I don't need to tax the entire population on some fake lip service to the environment just to make my (or and my heads')profile look good.

Of course some could counter-argue that it has to start somewhere, it has to be cultivated somewhere. You are the in-charge, you call the shots and gather your people. In the first place, I DIDN'T VOLUNTEER FOR IT. I GOT ARROWED FOR IT. JUST BECAUSE I WAS SO DUMB TO SHOW THAT I AM THAT SLIGHTLY MORE ENVIROMENTALLY INCLINED THAN THE REST.

Second, I DON'T LIKE TO MULTI-TASK AND BE STRETCHED THAT THIN, MUST PRODUCE ACADEMIC RESULTS MUST GET SCHOOL PROGRAMMES GOING, MUST MANAGE PROJECTS, MUST RUN CCAS, MUST GET AWARDS... And the irony is that, top MOE people are saying that these are just suggestions of what you can do, not what you must do.

Something's got to give. Will take it MY pace. You want something big? Fuck. Do it yourself. Pissed. Really am. Don't think I am the only one though. Teacher friends out there, right?

庸人自扰

想一想， 我们许多烦恼， 都是因为自己想不开， 庸人自扰。
看开点； 说得容易，但多少人真的办得到？

Hmmm... recently a friend advised me to grow my hair long and that jazz again. I usually brush this off saying that it just isn't me. Then, probably it being an occupational hazard, I thought of this scenario:

An otherwise okay student has an 'ah-beng' attitude and way of talking to teachers. He doesn't want to change his style for fear of losing his identity, even though his way of talking is not acceptable in the society and would compromise his job prospects in future and leave a bad impression on teachers now. Wonder if he would be able to get a good future in this very compartmentalised and stereotypical society.

Hahahaaaa. That is fictional of course, but if I were to have such a student I think I would have vomited blood and ostracised him unless I have known him better. Heeeh... I guess my friends would have felt the same about my stubborness. O-o

Snippets.

So fun... 2 stubborn people playing a walking version of ping-pong with money that one doesn't want to accept. In the end the more stubborn one wins. -_-

I miss the sun. Indoor office air's bad for the health and the soul.

My table's turning into a paper monster. Must. Clear. Table. Soon...

Imagine Marilyn knotting dragonflies, and actually succeeding! Hahaahahaaa...

Nice Friday.

啊！我加重了！！！

Wah!!!!
No aikido+ less sailing= increase of 4kg

-____-

Chapter closed.

The funeral is over. A chapter closed.
Cousins whom I haven't seen for a long time, or before... now seen, though I wonder when would be the next time.

It has been quite an experience, meeting wise and understanding elderly, seeing some inconsiderate ones; watching hippocratic people acting filial and wondering what will happen to our cute cousin who is the child... Visualising my smart, mischievous newphew in 10 years time... can't help but sigh. Am glad of my colleagues who made their way down for awhile. It was a nice gesture...

Hah... 家家有本难念的经。

I think the relatives might have similar thoughts as they watch my family, as we did the bare minimum for the rites. Well, our philosophy was that we do not need to act for the living to see how filial we were to the dead. A rational family upbringing, a double edged sword just like any other stuff.

Well a chapter closed.

Doomed

It is all in the state of mind.
Heck what reality is, or what others think about.
What's more important is that you are proud of the achievements you made, using your own yardstick. It is your own fight, your own growth and achievement.

Yes, this should be the way. Despite the gnawing little negative thought and perceived facts, whispering and reminding that it is not that rosy. Haah... cynicism and realism dooms me to a life of self-doubt and unhappiness.

BUGGER!!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!

Self-Check

With determination, nothing is impossible.

Yup, miracles do happen. For a price.

Next year this time, where will I be.

I want to try out something new; and in doing that, some things that have been built up might be left in jeopardy. Colleague has dropped the bombshell, she will be taking the backseat, if not totally move away from the CCA. Don't like the feeling, it will be so wasted if it can't go on because of me if I choose to leave too.

Of course on the other hand, I am dispensible. With the will and determination of the organisation, they will figure a way out somehow if they really want it to be.

Selfish it is, but I have to figure out what I want. Yes, the word slacker rules.

If only

The world would be so much less complicated if:

1) people say and do what they mean

2) there are no hidden agendas

3) rationality rules

4) ego is dead

But then,
world peace= boring world...


喜欢故事的人，唯恐天下不乱也！


Aiyoh auntie!!! Just what do you want???

Doggy Friends

My family's helping my friend dog-sit over the weekend. So now there are 4 furballs running around, with our residential diva being seriously jealous. Heeeh...


The 2 guests, preparing to sleep.


"Shoo! Need my beauty sleep!!"


"Mummy... I miss you..."


The host. Or is it the hosts???

Maybe a dog's life isn't that bad afterall.

Goodbye

Grandma passed away today at around noon peacefully. Mum was relating to us her last conversation with Grandma last night, about how she was feeling so much better and that she would want to go home tomorrow [today] by hook or by crook... and she had come home.

So, it has been a mixed up day for emotions for me today. I have a bad habit of rationalising emotions, and now I felt oddly numb in a apologetic way.

July 7th - Till next year!!!!

National Interschools Sailing Championships 2006 is completed successfully and it has been a pretty good year. Our rankings improved and B division girls managed to clinch 4th position. B boys 6th, C boys 5th, C girls 6th. Well it wasn't empty handed and the CCA won't be threatened with closure. Heeeh. But what matters more is that the sailors are happy, and determined to do better. Up and coming! Now, it's celebrations time. :]

Let the pictures speakth.

3 girls and a little trophy.


Groupie 1.


"This is my future sail, no one can take it from me!"


B boys 2007!!! Kiasu abit nevermind!!


Groupie 2!!


C division 0607


To greater heights!



Finally, meet the old-er ones. Heeeh...

6th July- Day 3 O-o

Sky decided that it was time to return some water back to Earth... and there was an islandwide storm in the morning that got all of us cursing and swearing.

"It's always like that one! Rain during B division."

"Alamak! You suay mouth leh!"

"Must be that you didn't bathe this morning right?..."

"Confirm later no wind one..."

The wind did stay for a little while before dying off totally in the afternoon. Some races were ran, so it wasn't a totally wasted day. It has been an interesting day for my school too.

The sailors were commended for their determination despite the lousy wind conditions. (Heeh, the psycho-ing and discipline have paid off.) One has been eyed by JCs with sailing teams... B division girls got 4th position for today and they stand a chance to up it to 3rd position, if not 2nd tomorrow. Heeeh.

One boy stands a chance to get top 3.

BUT 2 of our lower secondary sailors fought with each other and one ended up with a bloodied nose... great. They got a shelling from Era and I. I was officiating at the optimist course being wet and rather miserable sitting out in the rain with shifting winds, a fight is the last thing I would want to hear when I get back to shore. My boat partner strained his back pulling mark and anchor repeatedly due to shifty winds, he is more unlucky, as his sailor decided to protest the committee, so the poor teacher has to wait with the student for the protest hearing... sheesh...

Last day tomorrow!! Then it would be back to schoolwork... cries...

July 5th- Day 2!!

The winds have been kind and it has been a successful sailing day. Waiting's minimised and the races are completed by 2pm. Wah!!! Can buy 4D!!! It's a rarity!

So the results for C divisions are out. We didn't manage to get top 4 for C boys but it has been a good 5th position. The boys beat VS by the skin of their teeth; this has been the team's best results for C divisions ever! Competition for girls have been intense and they come in 6th out of 7. Heeeh not bad for a team with no prior sailing background from primary school at all. Now got to convince the rest of the school population that it is all worth it and that we have had come a long way...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Indeed, it is an unfair world. And this unfair world is getting more and more impatient. The world wants instant results, instant sailors are among one of the prized commodities in schools with sailing teams. Naturally, prestigious secondary schools have more means and name to attract the sailors, who in turn produces the results in races.

不要耕耘只要收获已不是可耻的； 它是明智之举。。。 I can only summarise what I felt the schools and CCAs have become with the phrase above. It is not mainly about developing the potential of the child, it is mainly about the name of the school so that we can use it to attract more students in with the pretext of developing the potential of the child. Cool eh?

Face it, that's reality.

4th July- Day 1...

Age must be catching up, I don't remember feeling so tired last year after officiating for the nationals... and this is just Day One! -_- But I guess there was more shifting and anxiety due to a change in main ROs... Heh more on that later...

Anyway I was snoozing in the hall, plastered on the floor at around 9pm, didn't know that I would stay plastered there till 1030pm and after several attempts by dad to get me to deplaster the floor and attach onto my bed instead. He was getting exasperated when I finally managed to lumber back and get stuck now infront of the computer. Heeehee... The weather's turning warm though the wind is still good.

The sailors in my opinion did better than last year, but they too did some mistakes that could be totally avoided and that cost their results to be down... My colleague was fed-up and gave them a good lashing back in school. I personally screamed at some of my opti-sailors who dilly-dallied and refused to help one another due to some minor quarrels and attitude. On hindsight, I guess kids being kids will screw up, and stage fright does play a part... Hey, adults screw up in big events, so can't expect the kiddos to be perfect right?

Oh well, there is still one more day of race for the lower secondary kiddos, and 2 more for the upper sec kiddos...

来之安之。

This weekend...

Finally got to sail for a little while after a month of being out at sea and helping out at races. Hijacked my student's boat and went for a little spin when he retired from race. Hated the irony of it being so near yet so far; and that I am blundering and stumbling along the way of race officiating. But I guess that is the way to learn... and the wind was good; the people interesting; had fun getting wet. Didn't dare to gybe for fear of capping in front of students. Hahaa... no complaints. I am happy.

The inevitable.

Seems that my maternal grandmother's end is near... The cancerous cells in her stomach had spread elsewhere and she hasn't been eating much for months. Mum went to visit her and said she is now literally bone and skin...

Mine's not a close-knitted family and I don't see my grandmother, or as a matter of fact my other relatives, for more than 5 times a year. I should visit her. But then it feels weird, as I have nothing to say and do to actually improve the situation. And it is this aloofness and the inability to express care that I hate myself for. Perhaps I think too much and feel too little, and all the things that should be expressed stays constipated somewhere inside, festering...

Death is inevitable, and it forces us to think and take stock of our lifestyle and thinking... sooner or later it will be our turn. Show care, show concern, to speak words of encouragment, to help friends and family... it is really hard for me to express such stuff when I really mean it. Hahaa funny right? -_- Ok I am weird.