Sun Sea Sail Song

Next, the week of truth.
The test for the sailing kiddos.
The pitting of skills to see where they stand.
Heh, well, they are not at the national sailors' standards yet; but they have come a long way. Starting late, from scratch for most of them, with limited monetary and for some, parental support.

Year by year they improve and move up the ranks. Yes, not exactly fantastic in terms of real figures, but they are more than just numbers. One takes pride in seeing their growth, and feels the pain in their arrogance and mistakes and disappointment and failure at times as well.

It will be fun for me too... to sit out there and help in the race and get out of school for 4 days. Heh... and get even more charred than what I already am.

Yup, the week of truth... the summation of the hardwork.

ALL THE BEST AND GO CHIONG OK?? HECK ALL THE TALK ABOUT SCHOOL RANKING AND GLORY JUST ENJOY YOURSELF AND YOU WILL NATURALLY SAIL YOUR BEST OK!!

Heeh... of course this is not the official stand my colleague holds, and tis the beauty of blogging, you can vent and exhibit and yet the people who really mattered may not even know the existence of your blog! Haaahaa...

Oh well...

ReD TaPe >_<

Red tape and procedures can be so dumb that innocent kids suffer for adults' blunders and the system's need to documentate and follow laws.

But, what to do? A wall. Divides. Protects. Which side are you on?

事后诸葛

Don't know if I should be pissed off or glad that I have a caring but very human family...
Dad set an informal appointment for me with his sinseh friend to check my back.
This friend is too popular and was fully booked already and can't fit me in.
I wasted 12 bucks taking cab down to the area.
Then mum had to add on to say, "I told you liao, to have it booked formally for other times, but since your dad said he had it arranged I just keep quiet lor..."

Sheesh. Wasted my time. Hate this kind of 'I knew it but I chose not to do it and all things turn up wrong' situations.

Heh... but I am guilty of such scenarios too, not having too high an opinions of my own opinions at times. {Bang Head Here}

Haaah I am turning into a nag. 3rd post for the night. Nonsensical one for the fact. Sigh. I wonder what I will be like... in a year's time. O-o

It's the time of the year again...

Pre-competition times. Time loves to slow down at times like these.

The stress is probably felt more by the kiddos. They want to perform the best they can. They know that they need to produce results.

What to do? Result is king, it is bargaining power to more funds.

The love for the sport is just secondary, it's a mean to the results, not the other way around. This is realism... School has no spare cash for non-numerals.

Stress is up. Confirm it is up. So hard to strike balance. Sigh. Only hope that these kiddos will love the sport and take it up somewhere somehow in the future.

Delusions

What's with the system?
CCA not performing? Close it down!!
Show results! Show results!! Show results!!!

Bring back the honour and glory!!! FOR THE SCHOOL!

Yes,yes, developing character is important, but RESULTS ARE MORE IMPORTANT!!!!
IT MUST COME QUICK!! IT MUST BE EFFICIENT!!! OR CLOSE IT DOWN!!!!




... and you complain that the younger generation has no soul...

I can sense it...

Criesss...
I can smell it...
The inevitable...
More responsibilities...
It's coming...
Don't want to be at the frontline can?
Please? /flashes innocent look
Hahaa...

Illusions

Put on a front;
it doesn't affect me at all.
Afterall it has been years.

习惯就好了.

Sending wrong signals.
Lose-lose situation.

Only got myself to blame.

Bum@Heart

Urgh! Thinking and pondering and effectively wallowing in self-pity again. Quick give me a whack on the head! Knock me unconscious! Haaa...

Am having weird nightmares of school, colleagues, lessons or sailing gone haywire again. Hahaa... not good not good.

Think I am expecting too little of my students. My usual innate perference of not imposing my thoughts and ideas on people still stays despite having worked as a teacher for 3 years.

Persuasion is not my strong point and I have had life too good I guess, am too easy-going, am not a go-getter and that translate to me not seeing the need to push my students in directions that they do not really want to go; at least not as much as my other colleagues who have a deeper conviction and drive. To me there should be more to life than studying and CCA, and I have a sneaky feeling that students take advantage of my more slacker thinking. >_<

Haa... no choice, got to get into gear, at least for this one more year.

School's coming, and numbers, facts, figures will come a-haunting again! Money makes the world go round. Sad but important fact; got some explaining to do for overspending CCA budget for sailing camp... From the tone of the colleague he was implying that what we did was unnecessary...吃力不讨好...

Oh well... I guess this is reality.

I want to bum somewhere... do all the studying and research of things that I want to know; do all the sailing that wind can offer; all the diving to see the sharks and mantas n nudibranch; all the wakeboarding that I can stand. I want to learn surfing, go travel, sky-dive... all these need money too. hehe

Not getting stuck the sad task of force-feeding students to learn because of that stupid but important piece of qualification paper and in the process kill off their interest for the subject; nor getting students to do PT and sail because of competition and the hope of bringing awards to school but to love that sport for its own sake. Urgh. Pity the truth is, this no Utopia, but pragmatic numeristic Singapore.

What a week!

A de-ramped tractor. A bent boat trolley. A chipped propellor by tangled anchor chain. A five day regatta. A chao da face. A chatty partner.

Haa... cool...

Going in circles.

It is so funny how what you wished for when you were younger comes true in adult life abiet in a way that it is not exactly the way you wanted it to be. I remember the times when I wanted to show off, to be the leader in primary school, taking charge and responsibilities in class etc. Yeah, I guess it was easy to get overboard when you are young, naive and egocentric all at the same time.

Now, responsibilities are literally shoved down one's throat. One has to be take charge and in some situations, without much choices. I guess that is the reality, most leaders or in-charges are doing it not because they wanted to, but because they have to. It is only now that the phrase “人在江湖身不由己”really makes sense to me. In the past it was only some pet phrase of heros in the period dramas...

Work. Work committments and obligations. Teaching, and running of projects and CCAs... The appetite of the organisation is unfillable. Good is never enough. I fear that I am not up to it. I can't fill in that pair of shoes; in terms of energy, passion, patience, determination, organisation,tempo, goals... I just can't fill it.

Or maybe I just don't want to fill it. I don't want responsiliblity for something that I don't feel for, I don't want responsibility that is 'handed down'. When I do for the sake of doing but not because I really want to do it, that is the best and cheapest zombification without the use of black magic. Yes, life goes on, but it is like, wasted. One doesn't feel alive.

I want to do things that I feel for, and with that responsibility comes naturally. Of course I can almost hear what the older people would say about my thoughts, that my generation's the softer ones, the more pampered and selfish ones who think about themselves. Responsibility and obligations are that, things that people take with sacrifices... One doesn't pick and choose what responsibilities they want. Then again, should it be the way? Pragmatism says yes, idealism says no.

But then, what are the things that I really feel for? Then I feel bad for feeling it this way, as if I am not doing enough to help and maintain what my colleague has started out. Am I wasting my time and wallowing in fulfilling other people's dreams and visions and then neglecting what I should be doing for myself? What is it that I want for myself? At times one asks if it is all worth it... and the line is blurred as I don't totally hate what I have been doing all that time, though soon I see a dead-end coming up... What I am doing doesn't seem to be enough, and I am not enjoying more and more of it. And again, I feel that I can't keep up with the expectations of me. Or then again, is it that I don't want to keep up? There should be more to life than to chase figures, achievements and students...

And it is easier said than done, to ignore it all and just let it go... :[

As school holidays draw to a close again, these old nagging monsters awaken from their short naps, whispering and gnawing at the edge of my sanity. Look at the light-bulb pragmatically bright side, life goes on. Just breathe and do.

Mission accomplished. :D

Hehee shopping for clothes, especially working clothes has usually been a chore for me; pushed to the last minute and done with feet dragging. But this time round it has been a breeze... I guess I have finally found the perfect working clothes shopping partner.

Haha! We have similar tastes, and are pretty 'chop chop' about buying stuff. Scan, see, like then buy, if not move on... We have similar experiences where friends shop or recommend clothes that are just not us. I have also friends who are more merticulous and picky shoppers...

Heheheee... I remembered the time I almost died on the spot when my friend took 45 mins to pick a printed painting. Then after that, she took 2 of the same prints and wanted to compare the frames... O_o.

Well, so today's been fun; I am surprised that I can actually enjoy shopping... with the shopping and chatting and bitching and all... should have more of such trips, so I can let my short hair down and be carefreely blur and wander through it all. Lol...

Baja Bags!!!

I want a dry bag, I went to buy one.
My colleague thought that it would be nice that I have one.
So like what her husband had predicted that if I were to get one myself, now, I have two!! Hahaa... I bought the yellow one, was considering if I should have gotten the blue one instead. Was telling my sis that the yellow one stained after one use. Heh, then I saw a blue one lying on my office desk this morning...

Heeh, touched. Thanks Era!

Still a sotong.

Hehee...am less sotong than last year I think, but still am in terms of race officating. Can't even tell left from right out there; got scratches and bruises galore... >< Sheesh... darn paiseh, as usual...

大手牵小手

大手牵小手; 一步一步走
成长过程中; 谁不会犯错
所以气要长; 心胸得要宽
累了歇一下; 树人慢慢栽

Education.

Passion.

Commitment.

Devotion.

Purpose?

Shucks, am in one of my 'I don't want to have any human interactions in work' moods again.

'Leave me alone to do what I like' mood. shucks...

Haaa... guess I am quite spoilt too.

None the wiser.

I still lack the tolerance.

I still lack the patience.

I still lack the discipline.

I still lack the tenacity.

I still lack the calm-mindedness.

I still lack the sharpness.

I still lack the organisational skills.

I still lack the motivation.

I still lack the tact.

I still lack glib.

I still lack confidence.

I still lack passion.

I still lack empathy.

I still lack determination.

Living dead. Or just plain tired.

15 more minutes...

15 more minutes, and then if I round up my age to the nearest 10s, it would be 30. Hahahaha... 长大了， 说话要象大人。。。 LOL...

Ain't you glad?

Imagine you are out at sea in Singapore, and have to jump into the waters to answer to nature's call during a storm. You get back on board, a 17 knot wind blows rain into your eyes. You jump back into your raincoat, dripping wet inside and out, miserable and cold. Then you say your thanks that Singapore's in the tropics and you won't die of hypothermia just because you need to jump into the sea to pee during a storm.

Seahorses...

It has been for some time since I have this idea of getting a tattoo of a seahorse motif, if I ever get a tattoo.

Why seahorses? I don't share the same fascination of wanting to see or study these creatures, but oddly I thought a motif of it on me sounds like a good idea... It might be the symbolism of such a weird and beautiful creature. It's oddity is something I can relate to subconsciously? Heeeh...



Anyway found this online, modified it and thought it might look nice as a tattoo... Nah, not now though... haven't found the willpower/reason to really do it, and also haven't found the perfect motif yet. The one above is nice, but not the one yet heeeh :]

So what if it is in black and white?

The term 'stick-in-the-mud' is non-complimentary. But I know of a stick-in-the-mud manager is so flexible and bendy that he changes his ideas and principles at the blink of the eye and complains that others do not stick to the laws/rules.

Imagine our dismal when our sailor's boats that are signed and under our charge have been lent out to others because he thought 'we were not coming for training'on that day. While he admitted his mistake and returned our boats, the actual fact that it happened is bad enough, and there were damages to the boat.

There were other occasions when he found damages on boats under our names and insisted that we paid for the damages when we did not use it. Now with such incident, it just makes me really really sore.

While payment will be bored by the other party, our main concern is if the boats will be ready by competition. The manager in his usual manner could not give us a definite answer and went in circles.

If not for my colleague who is liasing with him I would have flared up at him. Breathe... control... control... Use this to get new boats. Must fight for that then.

Kettle calling pot black.

I was nagging at my colleague who was a little under the weather after a school camp as we went on a recee trip to Changi Clubhouse for sailing camp. Then a bout of cough hit me, hard... You can imagine my colleague's reaction.

Hahaa...

Both of us will be taking our sailors out to sea later, after PT session.

Anyway my body has given me 'face', my throat had been itching since last week from the pool sessions and late nights. But it was manageable most of the time, till the bouts come.

Yah yah, got to take care... I know, we know. -___- Heeh, Sheesh...

Feeling like an idiot.

Darn pissed off, but then I can understand how such situation could come into being.
Less than 5 students turn up for extra lessons just now. Granted it is the holidays, but for other subjects they appear, for humanities, they just slip away. Bugger... I am probably not strict enough or I am probably too lousy to be able to engage the students. NA kiddos and humanities don't click well, and yet they are forced to meet one another. Sheesh...

Lose-lose situation. Compulsory lessons that both teachers and students dread. Subjects that students see no meaning in learning. Content that teachers find it hard to link to things that students are interested in like BGR, pop idols etc. Urgh.

天有不测之风云, literally...

If you are around my age and older, and you might remember an old kit kat TV advertisement in the 80s where this photographer tried to take photos of a pair of very shy pandas in the Zoo. He waited through storm and sun and when he decided to take a break and had his back facing the exhibits, the pandas came out dancing and skating... when he finishes his break, they were back in their cave.

Don't you feel that such things happen to you time and again and you really feel very tempted to curse and swear or destroy something? Just as I am nursing my sun burns from the weekend, there is this big storm that made me cancel sailing training for my sailors. (Yes, yes, rain loves me and my sailors... :[)

Then, I saw this msn nickname of an aquaintance announcing his excitement in seeing a waterspout at East Coast today. URGH!!! I guess when it is not meant to be it is not meant to be. ><

That little speck of paradise

Heavens on earth's not hard to find.
Sun, sand, turquoise waters, easy going people, no mobile network... what else can one ask for? Eh... A more even tan, a more sculpted body, that underwater camera, the fancy equipment, more hunks..... lalala...



Island life...


Not all fish are found underwater. :]


Great company


Say: Barracuuu-DAAaaaa!


Faster leh... It's getting warm!

Urgh for some reasons, only 5 pics allowed in this entry... :[ But you get the rough idea. Hahaaa... now saving up for next trip. :]

Between old passion and the new

Saw my aikido junior online earlier this morning and chatted with her. The poor girl seems to be struggling with A levels, and she seems as blur as ever... haha some things never change. It was nostalgic and I remembered a time when I was quite obsessed with the martial arts. I would train 2-3 times a week and still yearn for more...

But sadly for me that passion didn't last, not because of the innate nature of the martial arts. It is a beautiful martial arts with an idealistic world view. I still miss it, and tried to breakfall and roll around in my room on several occasions, smashing into my wardrobe and computer table, getting unnecessary bruises. Heheee...

Maybe it is my innate, weak-willed nature. When I felt that there was injustice and biasness, I fade away gradually, no matter how interested I could be initially instead of presevering. So much for being a success story where one stubbornly and resolutely follow a martial artist master despite all the abuses and 'tests of faiths' meted out... I don't go for such foolish loyalty stuff, not when I see and perceive the instructor being biased and hypocritical.

I may be wrong, he might have his reasons for doing things he has done; maybe that is a test in its own and that I fail, falling into the trap of being the envious or jealous one, and am weeded out of the martial arts meant for people with higher calibre, or skills in curry favouring, whichever is true.

I don't know... got to ponder more on it and hopefully 1 day I would continue in that martial arts again. Now, it is time to try out diving! Hahahahahaahaaa

One week gone, just like that!

First week of vacation's almost gone! Time really flies...
But yippee, can't wait for this weekend, going for first open dive at Dayang. Wonder how it would be like. Just came back from the pool sessions, gone through the basics, still felt really clumsy and inadequate... and there ain't currents and waves in the pool, things will be a lot more challenging out at sea. Hahaa, oh well, no one's born an expert... Just keep breathing and learn bah.

Heeeeheee, on the other hand, I am dreaming of possibilities of being a marine biologist (go get a 2nd degree!!! :]) or marine geologist liao (is that such a job anyway?? get a masters in geog? hehe) ! biangz...

一步一步来 leh。。。

Must 修身养信

I realised that I don't have patience for certain types of people, and I would usually not hide my impatience and act rude... Did just that Tuesday night over dinner. The person also didn't hide his preferences I think, ignoring me for most of the time and chatting in circles with others who cared to listen.

Hahaa... Friends were actually advising me to 'give him face' and just listen, as he is more elderly blah blah... But I could not help being impatient in some of the things he said. Letted out a cynical laughter at one point of time when I recognised that his conversation will be futile, but most of the time I just kept really quiet.

Must learn to respect or I might face retribution when I am old in the future, others cautioned. Heeeh... okie... I will try... Yes, I must learn to curb my temper and cynical attitude somehow. :P